No Coaching Allowed: Why Your Doubles Partner Doesn’t Want Your Advice (Even If You're Right)

Tennis is a game of strategy, skill, and sometimes, silence. If you’ve ever played doubles—especially in ladies’ leagues or with your spouse—you’ve likely encountered the golden rule that remains unspoken, yet universally understood: No unsolicited coaching.

Picture this: You’re in the middle of a match, battling it out on the court. You miss a shot—maybe you overhit or sent a volley right into the net. Before you even turn back to reset your focus, you hear it:
“You need to move your feet more!” or, “Just hit to her backhand!”

Cue the internal eye roll.

The Coaching Dilemma

Why is it so annoying when your partner offers “helpful” advice during a match? After all, they’re just trying to help, right? Whether it’s a casual game or a competitive league match, uninvited feedback can feel more like criticism than support. And it doesn’t matter if your partner is a certified tennis coach with a trophy case full of national titles—it still stings.

We’ve all seen (or maybe even been) the husband-wife doubles team where the husband, a tennis coach by trade, thinks his courtside expertise is welcome. Spoiler alert: It’s usually not. In fact, we know a couple just like this. He’s an incredible coach, but when the match gets heated and his “advice” starts flying, his wife is not having it.

So, what gives? Why do we bristle at this kind of feedback, even when it might be well-meaning or technically correct?

It’s Not About the Advice

Here’s the thing: When you’re mid-match, your brain is already juggling a lot. You’re tracking the ball, reading your opponents’ movements, and trying to stay in rhythm. Being told what to do—especially in the moment—can feel overwhelming. It’s like someone trying to teach you a new dance move while you’re already performing on stage.

Moreover, unsolicited coaching can sometimes come across as disrespectful. It sends a subtle (or not-so-subtle) message that you’re doing something wrong, and that your partner knows better. Whether or not that’s the intent, it can create tension—both on and off the court.

The Ripple Effect of Advice

Let’s face it: No one plays better when they’re frustrated. When one partner starts critiquing the other, it creates a dynamic where both players are focused on mistakes rather than solutions. This can spiral into a blame game that disrupts not just the match, but the camaraderie that makes doubles fun in the first place.

If you’re the one tempted to coach, ask yourself:

Why am I focusing on my partner’s errors?
Am I deflecting attention from my own game?
Would this “advice” actually help, or would it just add pressure?

Sometimes, it’s not about fixing your partner’s game. It’s about being a better teammate and focusing on the positive attributes they bring to the match. Did they nail their serve? Are they hustling for every ball? Celebrate those moments instead of zoning in on their errors.

The Power of Positivity

Tennis, like life, is a partnership. In doubles, you succeed or falter as a team. By reframing your mindset, you can shift from a critical partner to a supportive one. Here are some quick tips to foster better dynamics on the court:

Focus on Your Game: Instead of analyzing your partner’s every move, channel your energy into improving your own play.
Communicate Strategically: If you have a helpful suggestion, save it for a timeout or between games, when there’s time to discuss without the pressure of play.
Highlight the Positives: Encouragement goes a long way. A simple “Great shot!” or “Nice try—let’s get the next one!” can boost morale and performance.
Know When to Stay Quiet: Sometimes, the best support is silence. Let your partner regroup on their own.

Food for Thought

Here’s a little experiment for your next match: Instead of offering advice, try focusing on what your partner does well. Compliment their strengths, adapt to their playstyle, and see how it changes the vibe. You might be surprised at how much better you both play when you’re working as a team, not critiquing each other.